2004-10-26
12:55 a.m.

My favourite colour...

... is blue.

... well, one of my favourites anyway. The other being black. But that's besides the point.

The point is, it's such a nice favourite colour that sometimes it tends to reflect my feelings too.

Like now.

I know why I'm blue. A few reasons, actually. Partly work, partly other stuff.

But I don't wanna think or talk about that 'other stuff'. Cos it scares me. I only ever felt this way before many many years ago. At a major crossroad of my life. I made my choice then. I don't have a choice to make now. Which is all the more frightening. Because there is nowhere to turn.

And I can't talk to anyone about it. Cos no one will understand. I know no one would. Only me.

And HIM. HE knows. I hope that He, in his Infinite Wisdom and Mercy, finds it in His heart to forgive me.

=======================================

If you have no clue about what I'm talking about in the last few paragraphs, don't worry. You won't be the only one. It's not meant to be understood. I understand, and I think that's enough for me. At least letting some of it out helps ease things that teeny-weeny little bit.

Perhaps only my PA might know what I'm talking about if she can still read my mind like she used to. =)

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